I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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