did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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