im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
