Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
