Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
