Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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