Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
