My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Acid is not a monday night drug
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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