Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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