Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
