I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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