ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
