You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
