listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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