I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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