Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
