My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
