At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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