So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
