I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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