Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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