on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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