That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
