Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
