I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
