please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
