The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
