Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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