White coat. Heels.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
