I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
