Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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