I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
