I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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