Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
