I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
