so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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