$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
