girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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