how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
