DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
