planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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