He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
