he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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