Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if only i could text you this smell
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
