I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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