I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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