Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They took my balls.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
