did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
