Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
