Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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