Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
